A Fixer

A Fixer
Photo by Ante Gudelj / Unsplash

She's a fixer, with no one to fix her
She's a lover, who won't love herself
She's a hearbreak away from a horrible place
Cause fixers never fix themselves

@brentmorganmusic I wrote this song for the people fixing everyone but themselves 🥺 #fypシ #singing #music #singer #songwriter ♬ The Fixer by Brent Morgan - Brent Morgan

It's difficult to even explain what it's like inside my brain most of the time. My ability to mask is world record scary good, so very few people in the world know the real me. If you were to ask people in my life, no doubt most of them would say they know me quite well. They would almost all be wrong.

There has been a huge shift in my life in the last year. My will to live had decreased greatly; living alone through a pandemic is not something I would recommend, heh. But I know that if I don't change the way I've been living, my life isn't going to last much longer.

For whatever reason, my brain forces me to try to prove my worth over and over again. The drain this puts on me and the feelings of worthlessness are immeasurable. It leads to fixing other peoples' problems while mine exacerbate. It's so confusing to feel the need to prove myself while also realizing, somewhere in this frustrating noggin, that I am worth more than this.

So, even though my body and brain are broken, telling me to hide away and rest....protect myself....I'm putting myself out there instead. Everything is about to change and it's going to be super uncomfortable to break out of this capitalistic shell we all live in. But, like I said, my life depends on it.